Ladies, make your man feel special
Photo by: Roman Samborskyi / Shutterstock
I had no idea how to initiate sex ? unless you count getting drunk.
That was my move, if you can call it a move. When I had a few drinks, my husband knew he had a chance and I knew he would take it.
If I was in the mood for sex, I?d sip a few coolers or go through a bottle of wine with him. Once I was woozy and nicely buzzed, all I had to do was smile and moan while he put the moves on me and he?d take care of the rest.
That was the only trick up my sleeve. Anything more forward than that was too uncomfortable for me.
No matter how much I wanted to fuck, I would never put it out there that I was horny. Letting my partner know I was down for it felt shameful and desperate.
Mostly, it felt cocky. Like if I tried to get things going, it would be a big declaration that I thought I was hot enough, that I?m so sexy that he?s obviously turned on by me, and that he would drop anything and everything to give me a good fuck.
I figured that if he wanted to have sex with me, he?d initiate it. If I had to put in the work to get things moving, it would only be because he didn?t actually want me and had to be convinced.
Yeah, I realize that that?s a pretty twisted way of looking at it, but it?s how I felt for most of my relationship.
That?s my damage and I know it?s a little extreme. But it put me in a position a lot of women are in. We get the message that we?ll have to fend off sexual advances, not make them. So, when we get in a relationship, it?s easy to feel like initiating sex isn?t our job.
But then we meet someone we?re really into and we want to make him feel special. We want to turn him on and make him know just how sexy he is. We want to blow his mind and make the foreplay really exciting for him.
And we want to do it in a way that feels right for us. We can?t just initiate sex the way he does it because chances are he has different desires than we do.
For a lot of us, it?s not clear just what that kind of sexual advance would look like. Other than just tits, ass, and blowjobs, what turns a guy on?
This is an even bigger problem when there?s a mismatch in libidos. Men are often treated like they?re all raging horndogs. But once the relationship gets settled and comfortable, it?s sometimes the guy who loses the urge to have sex.
That can be really frustrating, not just because us ladies still want sex, but because we often don?t know the best ways to get him in the mood when he?s not already eager to mount us.
And sometimes, the reason he loses his desire for sex in the first place is because he doesn?t feel desired. Often, that?s because a lot of us kind of suck at firing guys up if they?re not already halfway there.
I suspect that?s why a lot of men complain that their partners don?t initiate enough. It?s not that they want to switch things up or make things even ? it?s that they want a little more foreplay to get them going and to make them feel wanted.
Getting drunk and hoping for the best doesn?t exactly do that.
I made a conscious decision to change that in my relationship. I wanted to make my husband feel good, the way he makes me feel when he works to turn me on.
Now, I would say I initiate sex about fifty percent of the time. My husband?s sex drive is much higher than mine, but I still play an active role in getting the action moving.
But before I could, I had to figure out how to actually do it.
A lot of the advice I found about turning guys on or making foreplay better for them didn?t feel right for me. I needed a way to flirt and initiate that wasn?t too aggressive on my end ? getting on my knees to give him an impromptu blowjob isn?t much of a turn-on. I also wanted ways to signal my interest without putting myself on the spot. Grabbing him by the collar and saying ?Let?s fuck!? is way too forward. I had to find ways to turn him on that let me be the chasee without being too passive.
Here are the things that have worked the best.
Be a Flirty Tease
If you want to be more subtle about it, turning your guy on can be an all-day thing. You can give him signs that you?re in the mood or that you?re thinking dirty thoughts about him.
Make flirty comments. Find lots of reasons to compliment him. Make terrible jokes and puns (don?t worry, it?s cute) as an excuse to praise his sexual abilities.
Tease him occasionally. Be positive but provocative. Saying things like ?You really think you can handle me?? can be enough to give him the urge to show you just how well he can.
Give him deeper kisses than you normally do ? linger on his lips. Stare into his eyes for just a few moments after you?re done. Say something suggestive and smile at him before leaving the room.
It?s all about your delivery. Be coy, sweet, and naughty. Use your tone, not just your words, to encourage him to seduce you.
You don?t have to lay it on thick, but do it enough that he starts asking himself ?What?s gotten into her??
Melt Into Him
Feeling like a stud is a huge turn-on for most men. That means you can drive him wild by showing him that he?s driving you wild.
Do that by being really responsive to the sexy things he does.
Bite your lip when he says something really hot. Melt into his arms when he holds you. Pull yourself closer to him when he squeezes you. Moan when he kisses your neck.
Show him just how hot he?s making you. You don?t need to fake it, but don?t tone it down because you want to keep your composure.
This one goes right up to the bedroom, too. Wrap yourself tightly around him when you?re making out. Breathe heavily when he?s feeling you up. Grip the sheets when he?s rubbing your pussy or going down on you.
Drop as many swear words and ?oh my gods? as you want to. If you?re comfortable with it, tell him to keep going, plead for him not to stop, beg him for more. Act like there?s nothing you want more than exactly what he?s doing to you right now.
Fuck being demure ? be your horniest self. It won?t just turn him on ? it will make sex better for you, too.
Light Up His Notifications
I love texting because it?s direct, discreet, and private.
You can send him naughty texts when he?s out or at work. If you still want to be coy, use a few well-chosen emojis to convey your tone and imply that you?ve got sex on the mind. And if you want to be extremely direct, sending him a nude shot of yourself doesn?t hurt either.
Sometimes, it only takes one text. But if you want to really have some fun with it, challenge yourself to give him a few inconvenient hard-ons before he gets home.
Even if he?s at home, texting him is a really good way to turn him on. The great thing about texting is that you can be two different people. You can be a proper well-behaved lady when you?re around the kids, doing chores, or just going through your daily routine while being flirty and dirty over text.
Texting helps me a lot because I?m a really shy girl. I can?t always bring myself to say things like ?I think you should tie me up and fuck me hard tonight? out loud, but I sure as hell can type them out. There?s no shame in waiting to say things over text if you can?t say them to his face. All that matters is that you say them.
Share Your Fantasies ? In Detail
Share one of your fantasies with him, and don?t skip out on any of the dirty details.
Giving him the elevator pitch is alright (?I would love to experiment with handcuffs,? ?I think it would be hot to watch you fuck another woman,? ?When I?m blowing you, sometimes I imagine you?re my boss and I?m your secretary?) but the more immersive you can make it, the more it will turn him on.
Walk him through the scenario. How does your fantasy start? Where does it take place? What are you doing to him and what?s he doing to you? How do you imagine it would feel? What turns you on about it?
If you can tell the story just right, your fantasy is going to become his fantasy. And he might be just as eager as you are to roleplay it or make it come true.
If you don?t have a lot of recurring fantasies ? or you don?t have any you?re comfortable sharing ? try some other material.
Tell him about a dream that made you so fucking horny you wanted to fuck as soon as you woke up.
Or reminisce. Tell him you?re thinking back to that time you rented the honeymoon suite with the hot tub and recount all the dirty things you did in it.
Sharing the things that turn you on will show him you?re in the mood ? giving him the details will get him there, too.
Smut is designed to turn people on, so why not use it to do that to your man?
Suggest watching porn together. Pick something you?ll both find arousing and cuddle up while you watch it. If you?re the little spoon, like I am, you?ll be able to feel him getting hard and you can press and grind your ass against his cock when the movie gets you both turned on.
You can also ask him to read you an erotic story ? or you can read one to him. Hearing a sexy story narrated by your partner is really fucking hot and will put you both in the mood.
You can also use texting again. Send him a porn clip and say ?That looks really fucking hot. Maybe we should try that sometime.? Or ?Remember when you did that to me?? with a few flame emojis. Even ?Thought you might like this one? with a wink will do the trick.
Another good way to get things started is to invite him to take a bath or a shower with you.
If you want to set a more romantic or sensual tone, or if your guy needs a little extra to get turned on, a bath is the perfect choice. Light some candles, play music with the right mood, use a bath bomb, fill the tub with bubbles and warm water ? anything you can to make it less basic.
Enjoy the moment and relax. Touch each other with wet, soapy hands. Make it steamier and steamier as it goes and then either end it by getting each other off in the bath, or toweling off quickly and letting him chase you into the bedroom.
If you want to be more direct, or you know your man is definitely down for some action, the shower can be a better choice.
The shower still has the warmth and the wet, soapy touches, but it?s more practical than the bath. You?re not there to relax and take in each other?s presence. If you?re taking a shower together, it?s so you can fuck in it ? or at least get really handsy so there?s no way you?ll do anything but fuck after you step out of it.
Let Him Watch You
Being self-conscious is one of the biggest obstacles to turning on your partner.
For the longest time, I was so self-conscious I didn?t even get naked during sex. I fucked with my shirt on for years before I got to a point where I could strip down to my socks (socks don?t count and I?ll fight anyone who says otherwise).
That meant my husband was missing out, because one of the best ways to entice your man is to just let him watch you. He wants to really watch you ? not try to get a peek at your body while you?re hiding it from him.
So, if you can put your self-consciousness aside, let him have a nice, long look.
Strip down and get dressed in front of him. Let him take in every detail as you do it ? the way your panties slide over your ass, the way your tits fall out of your bra when you take it off, the way your hair falls on top of your breasts when you take your shirt off.
Don?t rush through it. Take your time so he can enjoy some casual nudity at its finest.
Instead of inviting him to shower with you, invite him to watch you. Strip down and wrap yourself in a towel and tell him ?I?m going to shower. You can come watch me, if you want.? Leave the door unlocked and get wet and soapy for his enjoyment.
You can also put on a show by masturbating while he watches. Telling him you want him to watch you without touching himself will build a lot of anticipation.
Don?t try to keep it cute ? show him the way you really masturbate. Go at it with your fingers or play with your favorite toys.
Once you?re both worked up, ask him to take over or just pull him close and get the action started.
Dress Up for Him
There?s a stereotype about guys not noticing when a woman gets a haircut. But trust me, even if he doesn?t notice all the little things, he can tell when you make an effort ? especially if you?re trying to look sexier.
Get all dolled up for him. Do your hair, do your makeup, and wear your most flattering clothes. Dress yourself up when you?re not leaving the house and no one?s coming over ? that way, he?ll know it?s just for him.
Don?t wash your makeup off and slip into your loose-fitting pajamas before sex. Meet him in the bedroom looking like you?re not planning to go to sleep for a long time.
Or you can get him fired up by wearing lingerie or a costume to bed.
You can go with a classic like a schoolgirl uniform or a French maid outfit. Or you can get creative ? something that makes you feel sexy or fulfills one of his fantasies.
If you really want to excite him, dress up as a character from something he nerds out about ? his favorite video game, film series, graphic novel, anything. Cosplay girls look fine as fuck. I don?t even know who the hell they?re dressing up as but it still turns me on. I can only imagine how hot it would be if it also brought me into a universe I was really into.
The costume is a great opportunity to roleplay a fantasy, too. Set up a scene and play out a scenario or just embody the character you?re dressed up as. Even if you don?t, the costume itself can do enough of the work for you ? he?ll have a hard time not thinking of himself as the hot substitute teacher when he?s lifting your plaid skirt over your waist.
Give Him Control
Wearable vibrators are a lot of fun, and they?re even better when they?re remote controlled.
Wear one and give him total control over it. Let him decide when you get stimulation and how long it lasts. It?s up to him to tease you or to bring you to orgasm.
Giving him that much power over your pleasure is going to be arousing on its own, but it?s also going to keep his mind on sex. As long as he?s holding the controller or has the app loaded up, he?ll be aware that your pussy is at his mercy.
Being able to stimulate you at his whim can be especially arousing if your partner is the more dominant type, or if he just loves being playful.
Put the focus on his body. Make the foreplay all about him and his pleasure.
Worship his body, with special attention to his cock. Talk dirty to him, praising the things you love the most about his body.
Take your time to touch and kiss his body. Give him a long penis massage. Kiss, lick, and suck his cock slowly.
Giving his body your complete attention is going to make him feel attractive and appreciated ? which are huge turn-ons.
Plus you?ll be taking his dick in your mouth. That?s sure to be arousing, too.
Make Him Feel Special
I come across a lot of advice for how to turn a girl on, how to make foreplay better for women, and how to get her excited about sex.
I almost never see the same kind of advice for how to do it for men.
And that?s a shame because everyone deserves to feel sexy and appreciated.
Even if your man has a high sex drive or is always down to have sex, I guarantee he will get extra excited if you make an effort to turn him on.
He?ll feel special. He?ll enjoy the anticipation and the arousal. And he?ll be even hornier for you than he normally is.
My sex life has been so much better since I started taking a more active role not just in the sex itself, but in everything that leads up to it.
I feel hotter now that I can initiate. I don?t doubt myself as much. And knowing that I can do things that will turn my husband on (instead of taking his arousal for granted) makes me feel better about myself.
Whether you seduce your partner or do something to provoke him into seducing you, make an effort to turn him on every once in a while. It?s way sexier than just getting drunk and hoping he makes a move.
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