A few pointers
Pleasing a woman is simpler than you think. All you really have to do is read a little, and talk about what she wants.
Then you do that.
The biggest mistake anyone makes in a relationship is trying to read their partner?s mind. We assume what turns them on based on what we see in movies and read in books. A lot of that stuff is wrong. It was dreamed up for entertainment, not actual advice.
Great sex isn?t about size or horse power. It?s about learning to use the body you?ve got, and using it well. It?s especially about learning how to use your hands, and maybe your tongue, and your voice.
The bedroom isn?t a place to prove your masculinity
Stop and think for a minute about the toxic phrases that still surround sex. Men say things like ?smash that? or ?tap that? or describe sex as banging and boning. Men brag about their sexual prowess in the most violent ways, talking about how they ?destroyed her.?
Does this sound pleasant to you? Are you trying to satisfy your girlfriend, or send her to the emergency room?
If a girl talked about shredding your penis, or shoving it down a blender, would that turn you on? Or would it make you wince?
The attitude you bring into the bedroom matters. Even if you like it rough, the bravado of a WWE wrestler just doesn?t fit. A woman?s body isn?t something to be wrecked or conquered.
Play with her hair
Great sex starts with arousal. Take a spin on social media, and count the number of girls who tweet longingly about a man who plays with their hair while telling them how great they are.
While you?re at it, see how many girls like whispering.
Learn her erogenous zones
- Sweep of her spine
- Armpits and crooks of her elbows
- Wrists, palms, and tops of fingers
- Hips and lower abdomen
- Backs of her knees
- Ankles, and foot arches
Rub these areas. Caress them. Touch them. Cup them. Don?t squeeze unless asked. See what else you can do for her, and she?ll tell you. Everyone?s a little different. So you?ll have to figure out through trial and error.
Why don?t YOU wear something sexy?
Hardly anyone ever talks about lingerie for men. (And they don?t really call it lingerie.) But you can invest in some silk boxers or pajamas. Find some sleepwear that she?ll enjoy taking off.
You could even ask her to pick something out for you.
The bottom line: Make sex about undressing each other ? not just about you undressing her and then peeling off your socks.
Ask what turns her on
Find out where she likes to be touched, and how. Talk about her fantasies, and yours. Hold nothing back.
So many people never experience the sexy they could, simply because they never talk about what they want. Either their partner shows no interest in their pleasure, or they feel scared.
They worry about being judged.
Some girls like having their nipples massaged. Others don?t. Some guys like having their scrotum tickled. Others don?t.
Some guys and girls like oral sex, and some don?t. Conversation is all about finding the common ground.
Try more foreplay and practice sex
You have to practice to get good at anything, and sex is no different. You need to plan for sex focused on simply learning what feels good to her. Give each other feedback. Show some willingness to mess up.
Learn how to take some real-time, constructive criticism.
And learn how to use your hands. They?re your absolute best tools for getting her relaxed and aroused.
Practice sex doesn?t have to end in climax. You?re just exploring, communicating, and trying new things.
Do other nice things in bed
You can give her a massage. You can cuddle before sex. You can feed each other silly things like chocolate strawberries.
Think of it as pre-foreplay.
Get yourself in the mood
It?s a myth that guys can have sex pretty much anytime of day. Men deal with stress and emotions that impact their performance. Before initiating sex, do a little work on yourself.
Maybe you need to meditate, or listen to some music.
We think erotic lit is just for women. You?d be surprised. Reading a sexy story or a little romance might help you.
Do something that relaxes you. You?ll be able to focus more on her pleasure if you?re in the right mental zone.
Learn how to kiss
Kissing happens a lot during the early stages of dating, and then apparently fades when sex takes hold.
Some people never read about kissing, or practice it.
Pick up a guide. Watch some YouTube videos. Learn how to apply different levels of pressure to parts of the lips. Kiss her cheeks and her eyebrows. Kiss her neck and her collar bone. And her shoulder while you?re down there. Then kiss your way back up.
Stop watching porn all by yourself
Most mainstream porn doesn?t portray the best practices when it comes to sex. The solution isn?t to ban yourself from it.
Make porn a part of your relationship.
Understand all the different varieties. Some porn is for you, and it might indulge some of your darker desires. That?s fine in small doses. But you should consume a variety of porn.
Become a porn omnivore.
You should especially try to talk about porn and erotica with your partner. Browse and watch together. Find stuff you both like. This also gives you a chance to learn more about her preferences. If you watch a clip, and she doesn?t like what she sees, that?s good intel.
There?s feminist porn now ? erotic cinema that shows healthy couples having sex like real people do.
All feminist porn means is that the woman gets off, too. The man performs acts of pleasure. The camera spends equal time on both partners, not just closeups of genitals followed up with unrealistic depictions of women coming to sexual acts that actually cause them pain.
Make sex less selfish
You should both enjoy sex. You should both try and learn from each other. After sex, do some debrief.
You can be honest without getting mean. Just talk about your experience, what worked well, and what didn?t.
Don?t ask if she climaxed if you want an ego boost more than an honest answer. Good sex doesn?t have to end with her screaming your name, or calling you her father.