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My husband is in a group chat with a bunch of meatheads. They talk about lifting and gainz and other boring ass dude shit, but they also talk about relationships and sex since some of the men are young (read: inexperienced).
These men are used to performing well. They win weight-lifting and bodybuilding competitions, and their reaction to sex is performative-based as well. These dudes are unsure how to rock it in the sack. These super strong guys want to please their ladies, which is wonderful.
One young guy asked recently, ?How can I make my girlfriend squirt??
My husband started laughing. ?Look what this guy just asked!? he said, showing it to me.
?Send him my article!? I told him.
I?m a Squirter, and It?s Great Too
Squirting is an essential part of every one of my sexual experiences, and navigating the drawbacks has allowed me to?
?I don?t think so,? he said.
?I don?t want someone who knows me in real life to know that about my wife.?
Regardless, every lady should have the opportunity to blow her lady-load.
While some experts believe every woman can or will experience female ejaculation (defined as ?the expulsion of fluid through the urethra during sexual arousal?), according to the International Society for Sexual Medicine only 10% to 50% of women have experienced it.
Squirting and how women can achieve it hasn?t been studied enough. Statistically speaking, I am considered an anomaly since I squirt with every clitoral orgasm and some vaginal orgasms. My partner greatly appreciates the ?proof? that I have orgasmed; I simply can?t fake orgasming when liquid leaves my body when I do.
I?m a Squirter and It?s Not as Great as You Might Think
Being a squirter does require more forethought and negotiating with my partner, but that?s the nature of every sexual?
The thing about orgasming for many women is that we too often hold back. It feels weird. We?re unsure. We?re too focused on looking good while we?re having sex that we forget to focus on feeling good. We?re too focused on pleasuring our partners. We may not feel comfortable enough with our partners or within our own bodies.
Women get left out. Heterosexual women orgasm only 63% of the time, while their lesbian counterparts around 75% of the time (Men, gay or straight, orgasm around 85% of the time). The orgasm gap is real.
I didn?t discover I was a squirter until I was in college. I regularly held myself back, whether I was by myself or with a partner. I finally talked to my roommate about it, and she said, ?Why? When something feels weird, I just go with it!?
I decided to give myself permission ?to just go with it,? and when I finally did, I had a lot of shame around how I orgasmed. None of my friends talked about basically wetting the bed when they came, so I felt like there was something wrong with me.
Some sex researchers believe stimulating the G-spot is how women can achieve ejaculation.
But it?s likely the sensation, which can feel similar to peeing, that is what can stop women from fully getting there. You?d have to release your muscles and let it happen. Who wants to mistakenly pee on their partner? NO ONE. And if it feels like you?re going to pee and you don?t want to pee, then you?d likely hold back.
French gynecologist Samuel Salama and his colleagues studied 7 women who report producing large amounts of fluid at orgasm. While two women?s fluids showed no difference chemically from their urine, the other five had a small amount of an enzyme not detected in their initial urine sample that they believe is part of ?true? female ejaculate.
Sometimes when women squirt, it?s pee, or it?s close to pee, or it?s pee mixed with female ejaculate, or it?s just female ejaculate, which is another liquid altogether.
I?ve never studied what my ejaculate is or isn?t because I don?t really care. I get immense pleasure whenever I orgasm, and I don?t feel sexually satisfied unless I squirt. What matters is that I?m okay that I squirt, and so is my partner. (To be fair, it is really hard to pee when aroused (just try if you don?t agree), so I don?t think it is urine at all.)
If you?re a woman who wants to squirt (or a person wanting to make your partner squirt), it certainly can?t hurt to give it a try. At the very least, you (or she) will get a lot of pleasure, regardless of whether it happens or not!
1. Get some towels or extra blankets.
American sex guru and co-author of the original G-spot book Beverley Whipple says that, typically, the amount of fluid released is around ?half a coffee cup-full.? Other experts say some women can produce a quart of liquid at one time.
For this reason, you should make sure you have some towels or extra blankets underneath you for this first time.
2. Get relaxed.
If you?re tense or uptight, it?s going to be hard for you to orgasm. Take a bath or get a massage beforehand if you need to. Set the mood if you want (light candles, turn the lights down low, turn some music on, whatever). Breathe. Relax.
3. Get to stimulating.
If you are going to use your fingers, pay attention to the area inside the vagina on the same side as your navel. The G-spot is usually 1/2 to 2 inches inside the vagina, and it is the only surface inside you that isn?t totally smooth. It feels like the surface of a golf ball or the skin of an orange.
If you are going to use a toy, go for a simple G-spot vibrator paired with some toy-friendly lube.
This toy is from a company I like and is extremely modestly priced (here?s also a coupon for 20% your purchase):
Levett Finger Imitation 14 Modes G-Spot Vibrator
Features 1. 3 motors with 8+6 vibration modes, stimulate your clitoris, labia, g-spot and a-spot to get the pleasured?
Here is also a good toy- and you-friendly lube (don?t forget to use the 20% off coupon if you choose to order from this site!):
Water-based Natural Personal Lubricant
This 300ml water-based, odourless, colorless lube could provide you a long-lasting and safe for your silicone toys. Made?
Start slow. This isn?t a race. Enjoy whatever sensations come up and take your time! Try different speeds. Try different motions.
4. Let it go.
You may need continued G-spot stimulation to get there, or you may find yourself clenching up and pushing the toy or fingers out. Whichever you are, go with it.
Then if you feel the urge to pee, let go. If you feel the need to pee, that?s actually a sign that you?re close!
That song from Frozen keeps playing in my head when I think of this, but seriously, let go. You may be about to have the greatest pleasure you?ve had in some time if you?d just let yourself get there.
Hope this helps you (or your partner) having a different, but still fun experience.
The important thing to remember is that you can have a rocking time in bed regardless of whether you ejaculate. NO research has linked female ejaculation to ?better? sex. It?s all about making sure you and your partner both get to ride down the biggest slide at the playground.
Tara Blair Ball is a memoirist and freelance writer. Check out her website here or find her on Twitter: @taraincognito.