Here are a few tricks to keep up your sleeve
Photo by: Sofia Zhuravetc / Shutterstock
My first handjob came a few days after my first sexual act.
My boyfriend had fingered me on the trampoline in my parents? backyard. After that, he kept suggesting I return the favor whenever we had the opportunity.
It made me nervous because I had no idea what I was supposed to do once I had his dick in my hand. But I just wanted to get it over and done with so I could have the experience and stop being so afraid of it.
It was an afternoon, this time at his place. The details of that day are a bit fuzzy but at some point he brought me to his parents? bedroom.
He pulled his pants down and laid on the middle of the bed, waiting for me with his dick hard and his pants around his knees.
I still had no clue what to do. I hoped it would click when I was in the situation, but it didn?t. So, I laid on my back next to him and held his cock with my left hand. I stroked up and down while I stared at the ceiling, hoping I was doing it right.
Jerking him off like that felt uncomfortable, so I laid on my side and switched to my right hand. That was much better, and it must have improved my performance because he was moaning a lot.
I knew sex was supposed to be vocal ? I had been a tween perv with access to porn ? but I didn?t expect him to make a sound. He was such a shy and quiet guy, but having a girl touch his cock for the first time encouraged him to let loose.
I didn?t have a clue about technique. I was barely sure how to give a handjob, let alone a good one. I just focused on keeping the same motion going: up and down at a decent but sustainable pace.
I can?t remember the details of how he finished. I know I stroked him until he came, but I have no idea where it went, what I did to clean it off my hand, or if it got anywhere else. Those sexy details are sadly lost to the past.
We were done and I still felt a bit weird about the whole thing. I tried to manage my embarrassment by teasing him about being so loud. I giggled and called him a moaner (don?t judge me, I was sixteen and I still feel terrible about it to this day!)
I felt much better about myself after that. I was really pleased that I had jerked him off. Now, it would just be a thing I did. From then on, I was a handjob girl.
At least, I aspired to be. I didn?t give handjobs to many of the guys I hooked up with. They were mostly quickies between two teenagers who didn?t know what they were doing, so our hands and mouths were severely underused.
But I did give a handjob to a guy I met on a train. He made it a point to rub my pussy, and I was more than happy to stroke his massively thick cock in return.
The day I met my future husband, I got my hand on him, too. I?ve been jerking him off ever since, with no plans of ever stopping.
And I?ve had the distinct privilege of being a double dick clutch ? on three separate occasions, I?ve given handjobs to two guys at once.
Through all of it, I kept mostly the same technique I used the first time ? stroke up, stroke down, and hope you don?t cramp before they come or move on to the next thing.
Then, I started watching a lot of porn.
People usually caution against using porn as sex ed, and I completely understand why that is. But I?ve also learned a lot from porn, and I would still be giving unskilled handjobs if it wasn?t for amateur adult videos.
I went through a period where I watched a lot of blowjob and handjob porn. I loved watching a handjob from start to finish. I loved watching women using different strokes and techniques. I loved hearing the men moan and seeing how they?d react. I was fascinated by the way some guys would get off with hard, fast jerks while others just needed to be stroked with one fingertip.
I thought handjobs were simple and uncomplicated. Turns out, I could?ve been doing so much better. I didn?t have to just give my husband a few tugs before moving on to the next act.
I?ve taken handjobs seriously since then and I?ve come a long way from being the girl who clumsily stroked a dick while staring at the ceiling. Here are some of the things I wish I had known back then.
Find a Comfortable Position
Giving a handjob in the wrong position can be murder on your wrists and your other muscles. If you?re not comfortable, time will go by a lot more slowly, and not in a fun savor-the-moment kind of way.
I like to either lie on my side next to my husband or sit on the bed with him lying next to me. But I will go through with some more uncomfortable or compromised positions if he?s stroking my clit or going down on me. I can usually put up with a lot more discomfort in those scenarios, and I just stop if it doesn?t feel good anymore.
Ideally, a handjob should last either until your guy comes or you?ve both had a decent amount of fun doing it. You don?t want to cut it short because you got a muscle cramp or your lower back started aching.
Build Up to It
It can be fun to occasionally just pull a guy?s pants down and go at him, like you just can?t wait to get your hands on his cock. But the best way to start is usually to build some anticipation.
I do that by rubbing him through his pants until he gets hard. Then, I pull them down and do the same through his underwear.
If I?m too eager and can?t wait, I?ll slip my hand down his underwear so I can start stroking him right away. When I?m a bit more patient, I?ll take them off or ask him to take them off so I can play with his exposed cock.
There?s really no wrong way to tease a cock. All you have to do is give it little light touches and play with it in whatever way feels natural. Personally, I like to very gently stroke my fingertips from the base of the shaft to the tip of the head, and then back down again. When my hand is back down there, I?ll caress his balls a bit so I can enjoy his body a bit longer and get him really excited for what?s to come.
Consider Undressing
You only need your hands to jerk someone off, but even if a handjob is the only thing on the menu, getting undressed or taking your top off can help you feel sexier and give your guy some extra visual simulation.
This all depends on how comfortable you feel. If undressing makes you feel like you?re on display (and not in a good way), you can keep your clothes on. But if you want to, go ahead and do it. Any item of clothing you strip off will definitely be appreciated.
Start with Lighter Stimulation
Once you?ve created some anticipation and maybe let your tits loose, you don?t have to jump right to fast, firm strokes. You can work your way more progressively to the finish.
Once you get to the end of the handjob, you?ll want to go all in. So, the last thing you want to do is wear yourself out early. Go hard right out of the gate and you?ll have sore arms and wrists before you?re even close to the finish line.
Again, there are a lot of ways to start off soft, but I like to use my palm to gently massage the head of his cock. I?ll also stroke his shaft with a bit of firmness but without using too much pressure.
Use Lubrication
Not every guy needs lube to enjoy a handjob, but it?s always more fun when you use some.
The way your hand and fingers will glide effortlessly is going to make it pleasant for you. It also creates a nice tactile sensation you can enjoy. And it?s going to reduce friction and increase the pleasure for the guy you?re stroking.
I used to have some hangups about using lube, but they were silly. There?s nothing shameful whatsoever about using lube, and if your guy asks you to use some, it?s not because you?re doing a bad job. It?s either because he?s too sensitive to handle a dry palm or because he just wants what you?re doing to feel even better.
Any kind of lube will work for a handjob. Even spit works. It?s certainly better than nothing, but it doesn?t lubricate terribly well and it absorbs really fast. If he produces enough precome, that can also provide a fair bit of lubrication.
Water-based lube is better, but every type I?ve used gets tacky soon after applying, so you?ll need to keep using more as you go.
There are oil-based lubes designed specifically for handjobs (well, masturbation). I haven?t found one I really enjoy, though. They?re long-lasting but they?re not super slick, and not as easy to clean as the label promises.
My favorites are silicone-based lubes. They last quite a long time and they?re extra slippery and slick. You can?t really go wrong with them (unless you?re using silicone toys like strokers, then you?ll have to stick to water-based).
Different Strokes
Once his cock is lubed up and ready, you can start incorporating different strokes. Moving your hand up and down is decent, but you can take things up a notch by varying your technique.
You can get creative and invent a stroke or two of your own, but there are a few moves you could try.
There?s the corkscrew, which involves gripping the head and twisting your hand around it while you pull it away from the cock. There?s also the reverse tug, where you basically jerk him off with your hand upside down (thumb and index finger toward the shaft, pinky closer to the head). If he?s long enough, you can go double-handed with one hand wrapped around his shaft and the other covering the head.
But you don?t need to worry too much about any specific technique. The point is for both of you to have fun, so keep it fresh and keep experimenting.
I used to be too scared to try anything different. I was petrified that I?d do something that didn?t work and kill the mood with my weird move. If that happened, I?d be embarrassed by my lack of skill. Now I know that you can just try lots of things, figure out what works, switch up the sensations, and if anything is a little too weird or uncomfortable, you can just laugh about it and go back to the stuff that gets him off.
As long as you have lots of lube and a little imagination, you can just follow your instincts and keep things playful.
Get to Know the Frenulum
The frenulum is a small bit of tissue on the underside of the penis, right where the head meets the shaft. It?s sometimes described as a little V or a triangle. Once you go looking for it, it will be obvious when you find it.
If you can?t find it, that?s because not everyone has one. It can be lost during circumcision. But many of the guys who have a frenulum report that it?s the most sensitive part of their cock. So, make sure you give it a little extra attention.
One technique that?s designed to stimulate the frenulum directly is to hold the base of the shaft with both hands and rub both of your thumbs against the frenulum. But you?ll often stimulate it just by using your regular handjob techniques.
Use the Foreskin (If He Has One)
If the guy you?re stroking is uncut, you can make use of the foreskin.
You can treat it like a sheath and move it up and down with your hand while jerking him off.
You can also retract the foreskin (assuming he doesn?t have phimosis) and expose the head. That will give some more intense stimulation, but for some guys that?s a little too intense to be comfortable. If that?s the case, ask them what they like. Some might just need more lube, others will want a slower or softer touch, and some will want you to leave the head tucked away.
Give His Balls a Bit of Attention
Every guy is different when it comes to balls. Some are really sensitive down there and would prefer either light touches or for you to leave them alone ? other guys will practically want you to bash them.
Depending on what he likes, you can give them some occasional strokes or maybe a firm tug.
If you?ve got the coordination for it, you can stroke his cock with one hand and play with his balls using the other. If not, you can just alternate between the two during the early stage of the handjob (when you get closer to the end, he?ll probably want you to just focus on jerking him).
Talk Dirty
I?ll admit I struggle with this one. I don?t normally do any dirty talking when I?m giving a handjob. But I?m working on it, and in an ideal world I?d sound like a smutty audiobook the whole way through.
Dirty talk is both encouraging and arousing. So much so that it can help some guys reach their climax sooner.
You don?t need to say anything elaborate. Complimenting his cock is a good bet. So is asking him if what you?re doing feels good or telling him how much you love to stroke them. Or you can just give him some general encouragement.
And if you?re not comfortable talking, you can always moan and groan to show your enjoyment and give your guy a little auditory stimulus.
Edging
Edging is optional, but it can give you some impressive results. Doing it will prolong the handjob and should result in a stronger orgasm.
To edge a guy, you need to jerk him off until he?s right at the point where he?s about to come. Then, you stop giving him any stimulation. You can either take your hands off him entirely or just hold his cock steady without moving. Once he?s come down and is ready for more, you can resume stroking.
If you want to edge him, pay close attention to his cues. If you stop too late, you might give him a ruined orgasm instead. That happens when you stop stimulating him but he?s already past the point of no return. Instead of edging him, he just comes after you?ve stopped touching him. It?s still a climax, but it won?t feel as good. Unless you?re doing this as part of orgasm denial or some other kind of dominance play, it?s kind of a let down.
Finish the Job
When he?s near the end and you?re ready to finish him off, it?s time to get a little more focused.
To make him come, you should go faster, harder, and steadier. This is the time to pick a single kind of stimulation and stick to it instead of playing around with different strokes. Though, of course, it?s perfectly okay to switch to something else if your hand gets tired ? you shouldn?t fuck yourself up just to make a guy come.
Some guys can climax from a much lighter touch, and they might even prefer it. You might be able to get him all the way there by just gently and softly stroking in a consistent and steady way. If you?re with a guy who can get off this way, you should try it. I find it really fucking hot when a guy comes from a very light touch.
Ask for Help
Another thing I was too embarrassed to do is ask for a little assistance. I thought if my guy had to touch his dick at all while I was getting him off, that would be a failure on my part.
Then I married a delayed ejaculator. In fifteen years together, I?ve only made him come once. It was a marathon and a half and it left me so worn, exhausted, and sore that I never gave a repeat performance.
I would love to make him come from a handjob, but I can?t bring him all the way there from start to finish. Instead, I?ll have him tap in and take over. Somewhere along the way ? maybe two-thirds of the way through ? I?ll ask him to get himself close. He?ll jerk himself off while my hands get a break. He?ll tell me when he?s almost there and I?ll take over and finish things.
It?s not ideal. I?d love to be fully responsible for his orgasm. But at least I get to be the one who makes him come. I get to feel him finishing on my fingers. I get to stroke him while he?s groaning loudly. I get to keep stimulating him while he comes down from that high. I?d be missing out on all that good stuff if I was too embarrassed to ask him to pitch in a little.
So, if you need a hand, don?t hesitate to ask him for one. Give yourself a break and enjoy the sight of him stroking himself. Take over again when he?s close or you?re ready.
Have a Come Plan
Decide ahead of time what you want to do when he comes.
Do you want to stroke him off until the end and just let him shoot out or dribble over your fingers?
Do you want to take him in your mouth at the last minute and swallow his load?
Do you want him to finish on your tits? Maybe on your face?
Do you want him to come on himself?
Will you want a towel ready to catch all the mess?
Or do you just want to see where the mood takes you and make a split-second decision when he?s about to hit his climax?
Whatever you and your partner prefer, just be ready for it ahead of time so you both know just what to do when he says he?s going to come.
Have an Enthusiastic Response
Come has a bit of a funny texture and it can be a weird sensation when you get it on yourself. But remember that how you react to him coming is part of the handjob experience, too. So, show your enthusiasm and appreciation when he comes.
If you can giggle with excitement when he finishes, beam with pride at the good job you?ve just done, or show some elation at being covered in spunk, you will make the experience even more enjoyable for him.
This is one of those times you shouldn?t be imitating porn, though. Those reactions tend to be a little too over the top. Enjoy the fact that you?ve made him come but there?s no need to act like it?s giving you an orgasm to watch him have his. Just be natural.
Communicate Throughout
Ask him ahead of time how he likes to be touched. If it?s your first time with him, there?s absolutely nothing wrong with telling him you?re going to try a few things and to let you know what works and what doesn?t.
Once you?ve actually got your hand around his cock, check in every now and then to see if he?s enjoying what you?re doing to it or if he wants you to do anything different. And talk about it after you?re done to find out what he thinks, what he liked, and what didn?t do much for him.
Pay attention to non-verbal cues, too. Unless he?s completely still and quiet, he will probably give you louder groans and moans when something feels really good. Or you might notice the way he tenses up when you do certain things. He might also touch you appreciatively when you?re doing something to him that feels great.
Remember that everyone is different, so it?s normal to not know the best way to get a guy off when you?ve just started fooling around with him. Checking in and communicating openly will help you figure it out.
Introduce a Stroker
Strokers, sleeves, or masturbators are sex toys designed to stimulate people with penises. You?ve probably heard of the Fleshlight, but there are plenty of other companies that sell reusable and disposable ones (so you can get his dick wet without breaking the bank).
I don?t like the term ?masturbator? because I think these toys, like any sex toy, can be used in couple play. Using one on your guy can be a nice way to enhance a handjob. They have textured interiors with ridges, bumps, and all sorts of patterns to provide him with a lot of different and interesting sensations. They can feel nice and comfortable for your hand, too.
Some guys do have a bit of a weird hangup about being fucked with a pocket pussy or something similar (my husband did for a while, but he?s a convert now). Make sure you talk about it beforehand and don?t just slide a stroker on his cock without warning. There?s nothing wrong at all with using one (it?s actually really fucking hot) but you don?t want to make your partner uncomfortable or make them interrupt your handjob to have a serious talk.
Show Him a Good Time
I did a few things wrong when I gave my first handjob.
I laid in an uncomfortable position. I didn?t use lube ? not even spit. I didn?t show enough enthusiasm because I was nervous as hell. And I have no idea what happened with his come, but I know I hadn?t planned for it.
If I could go back to that afternoon, I would at the very least not stare at the ceiling for the first part of it.
But it was still fun ? for both of us.
As long as you?re comfortable and communicating with each other, you should be able to show him a really good time, no matter what specific things you do to his cock.
And I should mention that there are some guys who don?t enjoy handjobs at all. They?re too sensitive or simply don?t care for them. But for the rest of them, you don?t have to sweat it too much. If you make sure to ask him how he likes it, use plenty of lube, and follow some of the tips in this article, you should be able to get almost any guy off in a way he?ll appreciate.
If you want to try a stroker, Tenga Cups are a great place to start. That?s an affiliate link ? if you click on it and purchase anything from the site, I earn a small commission and you?ll be supporting my work. ?
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