There?s more to it than sucking and licking
Photo by: Dean Drobot / Shutterstock
My attitude about blowjobs has evolved over the years, and my technique has changed along with it.
When I first started giving head, I was nervous as hell. I knew the basic idea behind a blowjob, but I didn?t know how to give one. But my boyfriend kept insisting on it, so I eventually decided to suck it up, part my lips, and put his cock between them.
What I gave him was the bare minimum of what could qualify as a blowjob. I softly wrapped my lips around his erection and bobbed my head up and down. I used my hand, but only to keep his dick in place.
Those early blowjobs were basically reverse face-fucking ? a cock was going in and out of my mouth but not much else was going on.
Later, I met a guy who was a lot more serious about giving me pleasure. Instead of feeling pressured to give him head or doing it so he didn?t dump me, I was doing it out of genuine appreciation for him. I wanted to make him feel good and I wanted to repay me for all the hours of tongue time he gave me.
This time, I wanted to do better. He was attentive to my body, so I became more attentive to his cock. I would still bob my head on it, but I?d also stroke it, kiss it, lick it, and take some time to look at it and appreciate it.
It was around this time that I started looking for sex advice and I came across a blowjob tip I was hoping to use so I could blow his mind.
I blindfolded him and had him lay on the bed. I gave him head and took breaks every thirty seconds or so to take sips from two cups of water, one with ice cold water, the other with hot water.
Changing the temperature of my mouth was supposed to make him go crazy. Mostly, it confused him. Why all the breaks? Why did everything feel so wet but not in a good way?
It was a total fail, and I became a bit skeptical of blowjob advice. From that point on, I would just try to suck and lick as vigorously and thoroughly as I could.
But then I entered my blowjob renaissance. Over the last few years, giving head went from something I did to please my partner to something I did for the sheer pleasure of doing. I genuinely get off on giving head.
Learning to love blowjobs made me a lot more serious about giving them. I didn?t want to give one that was just good or good enough ? I want to deliver some professional-quality mouth action.
Now, I study it like an art. When I see someone give a great blowjob in a porn video, I don?t just get off to it ? I take notes. I read people?s blowjob stories. I look at listicles filled with blowjob advice. And I give myself time to experiment.
I realized that there?s so much more I can do when I?m down there. Until I started focusing on my partner?s pleasure, I thought of blowjobs as a very streamlined activity. Just figure out the two or three things that feel best and do them repeatedly until you?re tired or he comes (in my case, until I?m tired).
Now, I approach blowjobs with a much more experimental and playful attitude. I just do whatever seems fun and see what kind of reaction it gets. I credit Cherry Crush for some of this ? I love the way she treats her partner?s cock like a toy for her mouth to play with.
I took the seriousness out of giving blowjobs. That made them better for me and my partner, and it taught me a lot about giving good head.
I?ve been thinking about that weird water tip I tried years ago. I?ve been thinking of the advice I wish I had come across back then instead. This is what I wish I would have been told when I tried to improve my blowjob game fifteen years ago.
Create Anticipation
I?m a big fan of anticipation. I don?t usually like to jump right into the action, and when I do, it?s usually not as satisfying or memorable.
I like teasing. I like building up to the main event, whatever that is. I like not having a main event and just treating everything like it?s part of one long fuck ? from the first flirty look to the post-orgasmic cuddle.
That?s how I approach blowjobs, too. I work my way up to them. I give the cock a rub through his pants. I undo the belt, button, and zipper. I rub the head through his underwear and run my fingers down the cloth-covered shaft.
If I do it right, I?ll have him wanting more and feeling eager for what comes next.
So, think of the blowjob you?re giving as something that starts before your lips touch the cock.
It starts when you trace your tongue around the outline of his boxers.
It starts when you slowly kiss up and down his shaft while looking into his eyes.
It starts when you rub the head of his cock to get him hard, aroused, and ready for your mouth.
Do something to build anticipation. You?ll enjoy the blowjob more, and so will your partner.
Get in Position
You need to be comfortable if you?re going to give a good blowjob. It will help you go longer, too.
Porn blowjobs usually involve a guy standing or sitting while getting head from a woman on her knees. That allows for some really hot camera angles, but it?s not a position that works well for me. I don?t want to spend the entire blowjob thinking about how much my knees hurt and wondering when they?re going to give in.
For a long time my go-to oral sex position was having Mr. Austin lie on his back so I could lay on my side next to him. As long as I was to his right (because of the direction he curves), it gave me a good angle to suck him off comfortably.
I also really enjoy laying on my back while Mr. Austin is on his knees so that his cock is hanging down in front of my mouth. I can play well from that position, and if he?s kneeling it?s usually because he?s either going down on me or rubbing my clit, so that?s a nice bonus. And maybe I?m just a touch lazy and it?s nice to spend some time on my back.
I think I have a new favorite now though. When I put on a sexy costume to fuck my husband, I realized just how nice it was to kneel on the bed between his legs and blow him. It was such a comfortable angle for his cock to slide into my mouth. I?ll need to experiment with it more before declaring it a winner, but that?s the kind of work I can look forward to.
If you?re not sure what works best for you, try different positions. Figure out which one gives you the most control and the most comfort. And it?s okay to switch positions mid-head, too. Whatever you need to do to keep the fun going and focus on what you?re doing instead of how much strain it?s putting on your muscles and joints.
You might also need different positions with different partners. The size, shape, and curve (or lack thereof) of their cocks will determine what positions feel most natural.
Make It Slick
I?m a huge fan of using lube for just about any sex act, but you don?t usually need any when you?re giving a blowjob. This is one activity where saliva is usually more than enough.
But I know from personal experience that just because it?s your mouth it doesn?t necessarily mean it?s wet enough. Sometimes, you have to make a conscious effort to drool a bit more, or think about dill pickles or sliced lemons to help you salivate.
Giving a well-lubricated blowjob will be more comfortable for you and more pleasurable for your partner. If you need a little extra help, there?s no shame in using lube (and if you get high as often as I do, chances are you sometimes have dry mouth).
If you want an unflavored option, you can use a little bit of silicone-based lube (Uberlube is my personal favorite). Or if you want to try something fun, there are plenty of water-based flavored lubes you can experiment with. I?m a bit of a flavored lube noob, but I?m currently using Wicked Aqua Candy Apple, which I find quite enjoyable.
Familiarize Yourself with the Penis
Okay, so you?re down there. Now, you?ve got to figure out what you?re dealing with.
There?s a shaft and a head, obviously, but the head is a little more complex than it looks at first. Different parts of it have different sensitivities. Some guys will like the tip of the head licked and sucked. Others will find it way more pleasurable down at the ridge where the head curves into the shaft.
There?s also the frenulum, which is usually considered the most sensitive part of the cock. It?s a bit of tissue on the underside of the head, right where it meets the shaft.
Not everyone has one (it can be removed during circumcision), but if your partner does, show it some love. Flicking it with your tongue is a good move, and you can make sure your tongue and lips give it some regular attention.
The shaft won?t be the star of your blowjob show (for logistical reasons, but also because it?s less sensitive), but it?s fun to give it some action, too.
You can also work the balls into your blowjob. Sucking on them gently or licking the scrotum can be really enjoyable for some guys, though everyone?s mileage will vary. Just be ready to treat them gently (or not at all) if you?re with someone who doesn?t derive a whole lot of pleasure from it.
In general, pay attention to the reactions you get from giving different kinds of stimulation and you?ll know exactly where your partner is most sensitive and feels best for them.
Use Your Hands
When I started giving blowjobs, I kept one hand planted firmly at the base of the guy?s cock. I just wanted to hold it in place, and it also gave me a convenient guard: if my mouth can?t go past my fingers, I can?t accidentally gag myself.
My hands are more active now. I still like using them to make sure I don?t gag myself when I?m going a little nuts (I?m dealing with about eight inches of dick and it takes a lot less than that to reach my throat) but I also use them to play around.
What you do with your hands will depend on the size of the cock you?re blowing. If it?s long enough, you can stroke the shaft with a full hand while giving head. If it?s not long enough for the handjob and head combo, you can stroke or tease it with a couple of fingers while sucking. You can also keep your hands busy by stroking and caressing the balls while your mouth is busy on the head.
How you use your hands will also depend on your coordination and ability to multitask. For months, I?ve been trying to do that thing where you stroke and blow in opposite directions. I?m determined but I can?t manage it for more than a few seconds. (I also can?t pat my head while rubbing my stomach and I feel, on a gut level, that it?s basically the same skill.)
Your hands can also give your mouth a break. Giving a few strokes to the dick is a good way to give your lips and jaw a bit of time to recover. Doing that lets me go longer and I can still make my partner feel good while I pause for a bit. Plus, there?s always plenty of spit for a nice, lubricated handjob, so even if you?re giving head to someone especially sensitive, you won?t have to worry about the friction.
Suck ? But Don?t Just Suck
Sometimes, sucking off literally means sucking. Creating some suction can intensify the sensations you?re giving your partner.
It?s not something to do the entire time ? gently taking the cock in and out of your mouth is great, too? but it?s something you can do now and then to jazz things up.
I think of sucking during a blowjob like doing kegels during sex ? it?s a little extra flexing when you want to pull out your A-game.
Use Your Whole Mouth at Once
I used to alternate between mouth and tongue when I gave head. I?d either be sucking or licking. But now, when I go all in, I?ll do both at once.
If you want to give some double action, hold the cock in your mouth and swirl your tongue around the head. Or you can lift your tongue a bit so that the head of the cock rubs against the back of your tongue when you?re bobbing your head. That move always makes Mr. Austin groan.
Treat It Like a Clit
Some people advise treating the clit like a small penis when you?re going down on a woman. I sometimes like to treat the head of the cock like a clit.
Basically, I?ll think of what I like my husband to do to my pussy and I?ll replicate it when I?m giving him head. I?ll circle my tongue around the head of his cock. I?ll flick my tongue over the tip.
If there?s something you like on the receiving end, try it on the giving end and see what happens. So far, it?s worked well for me.
And if you have no idea because your partner doesn?t go down on you, dump him. Okay, I?m not really saying you should end your relationship over oral (though I might), but you at least need to have a serious conversation with this dude.
Playing vs. Finishing
If you?re just giving a blowjob as part of foreplay, you can spend your whole time alternating between techniques. Try things out and throw in a lot of variety. I like to keep things interesting by switching from mouth to tongue to hand and back again.
If your goal is to make him come, though, at some point you?ll probably have to get consistent. If you?re familiar with their cues and you can tell when they?re close, either pick a spot and lick it repeatedly or suck the cock in a consistent manner until you get them there.
Don?t feel pressure to achieve that end goal. You want the blowjob to be fun, not feel like a chore you have to complete. Sometimes, your mouth gets tired and that?s fine. Plus, if you really want to stop but still want to get him off, your hands can always come in and save the day.
Likewise, if things start off more playful but you decide you really, really want to make him come, you can switch modes and give that consistent stimulation. Just follow your heart and let your mouth do what feels right.
Be Enthusiastic
I saved the best advice for last. This is the key to giving the best blowjob you can. It?s also the only piece of advice you can?t fake. You can pretend to be enthusiastic, but it?s never going to be quite as nice as genuinely enjoying yourself.
When you love what you?re doing, you?re going to bring a fun, naughty, sexy energy to it. You?ll find yourself exploring and feeling your way around. You?ll be driven by your intuition and your desire to get your partner off. You won?t just be going through the motions.
If you?re enjoying the head you?re giving, don?t keep it a secret. Vocalize your own pleasure. Moan with your mouth full. Take it out and stroke it just long enough to tell your partner how much you love sucking them off. Throw a little praise at their cock and all the fun it?s giving you.
If you?re an eager cock sucker, you?ll never disappoint a partner.
If you?re not an eager giver and want to become one, all I can do is share my personal experience of how I achieved it over on this post. If it worked for me, it could work for you, too.
Find What Works for You
Everyone develops their own blowjob techniques. Every recipient likes things a little different. That?s one of the things that?s so great about blowjobs ? there?s so much style and flair to them that our technique is part of what makes us unique.
Because of that, there?s plenty of stuff I didn?t cover in here. I didn?t talk about deepthroating. I didn?t talk about doing anal play while giving head. I didn?t talk about working a vibrator into your oral action. I?m the wrong person for giving advice on that stuff because they?re not part of my blowjob style. But if you want to learn more about those things, there are plenty of people out there who have written about them and can give better tips than I ever could as an outsider.
Even though I didn?t go over those things, I still think I covered enough for anyone to give a really fantastic blowjob. And if I inspired you to try something new, that?s even better. Just keep the ice water out of it.
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