It?s mostly all in the wrist
Photo by: Jacob Lund / Shutterstock
Fingering is underappreciated.
That?s just not fair when you consider that fingers can hit your G-spot like no other body part can (go ahead, try with your tongue and see).
It?s easy to think of fingering as just an inferior alternative to oral sex, or something you do just to warm up to some good pussy eating. But it provides some unique sensations that give it an important place in my heart.
Plus, it?s the best way to make a lady squirt. If that?s a skill you want to master, you have to learn how to work your fingers the right way.
I?ll admit that I haven?t always given fingering as much love as I should have. I was blessed to marry a guy who really knows his way around a pussy, but it?s his tongue that I really lived for.
But then I realized that his tongue was fucking up my orgasms.
I have a very sensitive clit, which means I can get off on very light stimulation, which is nice. It also means that it can easily get overstimulated and kind of numb, which is not so nice.
When I get too much clitoral stimulation, I have plenty of pleasurable but weak orgasms, but then I really struggle to get a strong, satisfying climax to cap everything off.
Not having those big orgasms leaves me a little restless, but once my clit is numb from overstimulation, I struggle to get there.
Ending a really nice sex session with a ton of frustration isn?t my idea of a perfect night, so I took some drastic measures to make sure I could fool around and fuck without ruining my big payoff.
I decided to minimize the amount of clit stimulation I got.
That means no more receiving so much oral sex I can barely count the number of times I come from it. And no more pampering my pussy with lots of nice, slow clit strokes.
It also means I?m getting fingered a lot more and paying attention to what feels really good and what doesn?t really do it for me.
Fingering is one of those things everyone starts off assuming is really simple (you just stick your finger in and out, right?) but it actually involves some skill, precision, and finesse.
Some of that takes experience and hands-on practice, but some of it is just about having the right approach. And that?s what I want to do with this article: set you up with the right methods and techniques so you can improve your fingering game.
Make the G-Spot Appear
Most people know how to hit the G-spot. Assuming she?s lying on her back, you insert one or two fingers inside her pussy, crook them, and rub in a ?come hither? motion.
What some people don?t realize, though, is that the G-spot isn?t just sitting there, ready and waiting for some stimulation. You have to make it appear.
Okay, obviously the spot itself is there at all times. What I mean is that unless a woman is aroused enough, hitting that spot won?t actually do anything amazing.
One of my worst fingering experiences was in the front seat of some guy?s car (no offense to cars, but I bet that is probably the case for most women). The guy who did it to me was bragging about how quickly he would be able to make me come if he stuck his hands down my pants. And because I had nothing better to do, I decided to see if he had the finger skills to back up his words.
It finished quickly alright, but not because I did.
He put his hand down my pants, stuck two fingers inside me, crooked them, and started rubbing where my G-spot would?ve been if I had been aroused. Instead of some intense feelings and an orgasm, I got what felt like a weird, uncomfortable jabbing.
I faked an orgasm within seconds because I wanted it to stop. I?m not proud of that, but I had already agreed to let him finger me ?just to see? so pride clearly wasn?t a big concern of mine at that moment.
That night, I learned that without adequate foreplay (or lots of independent horniness), your G-spot won?t be primed and ready for a good time. And as it turns out, watching a guy act cocky for a bit isn?t enough foreplay for this lady.
So, don?t rush too quickly for the G-spot. You?ve got to make it appear first. So, whisper those sweet nothings, suck on her nipples, rub her labia, give her ass a nice, hard squeeze ? whatever it takes to get her wet and ready before you start going at it.
Stimulate the PS-Spot
The G-spot gets most of the fingering attention, but I think more people should know about the PS-spot.
?PS? stands for perineal sponge, and that?s the unfortunately unsexy name for what is basically the sensitive spot that sits opposite the G-spot.
If you insert your fingers into her and crook them upward (again, assuming she?s on her back), you?ll hit the G-spot. If you turn your fingers so they?re hitting going left or right, you?ll hit some more stuff that feels good, but just in the general way that fingers in your pussy feels good.
If you turn your fingers downward, though, now you?re hitting the PS-Spot, and that feels really nice.
Nice enough to make her come? Works for me, but everyone?s different.
It?s not just about making her come, though. It?s also about giving her various kinds of stimulation and making her feel all sorts of great things. And stimulating the PS-spot is a good way to do that.
Two Is the Magic Number
When you put your fingers inside her, always start with one. You want to make sure she?s comfortable enough with that before you attempt to slide more in there.
Once she?s good with the one, add another. Two fingers is the perfect amount to have inside her.
First, it feels really good to have two fingertips rubbing inside at once. Two fingers also fills you up quite nicely.
But most importantly, using two fingers lets you do your best work. You can reach everything more easily, and for reasons I don?t understand at all (my degree was in early childhood education, not kinesiology) it gives you more dexterity than one finger does.
And it?s ergonomically sound. You?ll be able to reach her G-spot without getting uncomfortable and you?ll be able to last longer without your hand or fingers getting sore.
Three or more fingers is definitely possible, but check in with her to see if she wants more.
Personally, I don?t find it feels better to have extra fingers in there. Three or more fingers gets uncomfortable really quickly. I have to tap out and ask for fewer. And if I power through all the way to an orgasm, I end up feeling sore ? often for a day or two.
That?s just not sustainable. I don?t want to get fingered so hard on a Saturday that I can?t enjoy a nice, pleasant Sunday fingering because of it.
Using two fingers is your safest bet, but check in with her to see what she prefers. Maybe she?s really into three. Maybe she loves the way four makes her feel really filled up. Maybe she wants to work all the way up to being fisted.
But in general, keep in mind that it?s quality over quantity when it comes to stuffing a pussy.
Pleasure Spots Matter More Than Depth
The inside of a pussy is kind of like a cock ? the most sensitive spots are at the front.
Just like you should focus on the head of the cock when you?re pleasuring one, you should focus on the G-spot and the PS-spot when pleasuring a pussy. And you don?t have to go deep to find those.
So, don?t tire yourself out trying to finger her as deep as you can. All the best parts are within walking distance.
A steady rhythm at a good pace is going to feel better than going as fast as you can.
You should start off slowly and gradually increase the speed of your fingering.
If she?s into getting jackhammered, she might enjoy some rapid-fire penetration. Otherwise, just find a speed that you can keep up comfortably and stick to it until she gets off.
And don?t speed things up when she?s about to come. If she?s going to hit a good climax, she needs you to keep steady and not change a fucking thing.
Same speed. Same rhythm. Same depth. Just keep going until she hits that blissful orgasm.
Make Her Gush and Blush
If you want to make her squirt (and she?s comfortable doing it), you can use your fingers to do it.
Now, I?m not sure every woman can squirt. And it definitely seems like it comes a lot more easily to some than others. But if she wants to try it, here?s the method I?ve found works best for me.
Use two fingers, crook them, and reach the G-spot. But don?t rub it. Keep your fingers perfectly still and move your hand instead.
Rock your hand up and down. You shouldn?t be moving your fingers or your arm. The only thing that should be doing any work is your wrist.
Basically, you want those two fingers tapping against the G-spot.
Make sure you don?t go too hard, though. That rhythmic tapping feels really fucking good, but it can leave her feeling sore if it?s done too aggressively.
Another thing about squirting is that it?s a team sport. You?ll get the best results if she contributes by bearing down on her pelvic muscles while you?re tapping at her G-spot. You?ll notice when she?s doing it because you?ll feel more resistance, a little bit like your hand is being engulfed.
I realize that doesn?t sound super sexy, so maybe think of it as your hand getting a pussy hug.
Hit the Clit
There are a lot of ways to give the clit a little attention while you?re giving your gal some penetrative play.
I?m partial to being fingered while the thumb of the same hand rubs my clit.
I also like the way the palm taps against the whole surface of my pussy while I?m being finger-fucked at the right angle.
You?ve also got the fingers on your other hand ? using both hands simultaneously is also a plus.
And remember that indirect clit stimulation is still clit stimulation. In fact, some women prefer it.
If she?s not into direct clit stimulation (or she?s like me and she?s prescribed indirect stimulation to avoid getting too worked up), play with her clitoral hood instead. Run your fingers along the sides of her inner labia. Circle the clit with your finger. Or sometimes it can be enough to just rub her outer lips while applying a bit of pressure.
Level Up by Eating Her Pussy
Getting eaten out while being fingered is plain and simply one of the best things in life.
The contrast between strong, sturdy fingers penetrating you and the soft tongue lapping at your clit is just amazing.
It?s the chef?s kiss of sex moves.
If you really want to show her an amazing time, eat her out while you?re fingering her. And don?t be timid about it ? get your face in there and really give it to her.
It can be hard to focus when you?re multitasking like this, so my best tip is to get a steady rhythm going with your fingers. Keep it simple and get used to the pace so you can mostly forget about it. Once you get some momentum going, your fingers can go on autopilot and you can give your full concentration to what your tongue is doing.
Become Her Sex God
The methods you use will make a difference, but in the end it?s about communication more than technique.
Learn some skills, read up on sex moves, but don?t approach fingering like you?ve got a perfect playlist that you?re going to run through. Pay attention to her, be responsive to the feedback she?s giving you, and adjust what you?re doing if you need to.
Being a sex god is about giving her pleasure the way she wants it. That means getting a sense of what she wants and what her body needs.
So, watch your pace when you?re fingering her. Hit all those sensitive spots. Find ways to show her clit some love at the same time. But most of all, just pay attention to her. That?s the most important sex tip you can use.
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