Young, just out to himself, and clueless
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Dear Aunty Jimothy,
I?m a 20-year-old guy just admitting to myself that I?m gay. Other than a couple awful dates with girls (ick) in high school, I?ve never gone out with anybody. A gay guy I know at work just asked me to have a beer with him. I?m pretty excited, but very nervous. I know this is a stupid question, but how do you ask a gay guy to have sex?
Clueless in Kentucky
Child, you?ve got an old aunty spinning around in circles, not knowing which part of this question to answer first. Wherever did I put my scented handkerchief? Lavender is so calming.
First off, my dear, can we get a teensy point out of the way? It?d bother me if we didn?t. So, this guy asked you out for a beer. You happen to know he?s gay. How? Shop gossip? Rumors? Did he tell you? Just because ?everybody knows? somebody is gay doesn?t actually mean he is.
But supposing he IS gay and you know for sure ?
How to ask him to have sex?
Here?s that teensy point. Child, this old aunty is about as sex positive as they come (cough). You?ll never hear me dissing a healthy, enthusiastic shag. But have you considered that his being gay doesn?t automatically mean he wants anything more than to drink beer with you?
What, what, what?
Yes, dear. Just because a man is gay doesn?t mean he wants to have sex with every male human in the universe. Aunty Jimothy has been there, done that! I?ll never forget being a pretty young thing of 19 or 20, and having this cute guy hitting on me constantly. I kept turning him down, but he kept asking. Finally one day he said to me, ?What the heck is wrong with you? I thought you were gay!?
Aunty had to be blunt, dear. I won?t repeat my witty repartee, but let?s just say he never asked me to have sex again.
Don?t be that guy, child. Don?t presume your friend wants to have sex.
Presume he wants to drink that beer he asked you out for, and then take it slow. Find out how he feels. Explore how you feel.But I can hear you already. Aunty, you?re saying ?
Sniff your damn lavender hankie again and get to my question. If the guy seems to like me, how do I let him know I?m interested in some sweaty-sheet gymnastics?
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Well, then. Aunty shall hold forth. Since you didn?t get to practice dating and relationships in high school like most of your straight peers, it?s understandable that you may need practical advice.
There are a million ways to go about things, but how about if I tell you how I like a sexy evening to go? This is what works for me.
I?m a ?dinner and movie? kind of guy ?
Ask me out. Take the trouble to get to know my likes and dislikes. Talk to me. Get my digits and chat me up a little. Send me some cute little texts now and then. Maybe call me on the phone. (Ask first.)
Invite me to dinner ? or something else. I didn?t really mean the movie literally. Maybe an art fair. Or a concert. Or a lecture. Or a football game. Maybe just coffee and a walk in the park.
By now if we?re attracted to each other, there ought to be some tension in the air. You should be able to feel it.
Ask me up to your place for a nightcap. Or Netflix. Or whatever. You know.
Sit with me on the sofa.
Put your arm on mine. Ask me if I?m OK with that. (No, that?s not weird. Verbal consent is sexy and intimate. Imagine the trembling voice.)
At that point, I?ll probably respond with some arm-placing of my own. We?ll settle in closer to one another. Warm skin will meet warm skin.
Things?ll get steamier.
Soon, we?ll head to the bedroom.
That?s the long route. The whole enchilada. Shortcuts certainly let you skip steps.
But start with the basics, grasshopper.
Be a friend. Be nice. Be sweet. Be respectful. Be sensitive. Then let it flow.
And don?t forget the condoms, child! Aunty would clutch her pearls if you did! But maybe that?s a subject best left a column of its own. Speaking of, please remember that gay men have sex in all kinds of different ways. Butt sex is not not automatic!
Aunty, Anal Sex Hurts Like Hell!
Can I learn to like it for my boyfriend?
You might like like to click the above link and check out some interesting information.
Most of all, enjoy your beer with your new friend and enjoy getting to know him. Do let me know how it works out, will you? I?m rooting for you!
That?s another Aunty Jimothy column on Medium, guys and girls. Got a question? Post it under this story or email firstname.lastname@example.org and she?ll do her best to crank out some pearlescent balls of wisdom.
By the way, I?ve got a whole bat cave full of lesbians, trans guys and girls, and kinky polyamorous bisexual chicks. So when you ask Aunty Jimothy, you?re tapping into a lot more than just Dame Edna?s cranky nemesis.
Ask anything! Love, sex, dating, hooking up, Tinder and Grindr culture, and HIV/STD concerns. Life with your straight family. Coming out. Or not.
This Old Aunty has the Answers. Somewhere. If I can just remember where I left my purse.