July 28, 2016
What is the working definition of a Hotwife? For the purpose of this discussion since I am going to cover this in some detail, the definition of a Hotwife is a married woman whose marriage is open on her end only, so that she can date other men and have sex with them, with both the permission and encouragement of her husband in order to fulfill his fantasy of sharing her with other men, to the benefit of their marriage. Wow! That was a mouthful. The thing is, all of those elements matter.
Now having said that, for those of you who think this concept is for weirdoes and seriously twisted married couples, I have news for you. This Hotwife Alternative Marriage Lifestyle is a lot more mainstream than you think.
I am a practicing Hotwife. Our marriage is open on my end. My husband has a fantasy of sharing me with other men and I date other men sexually in order to fulfill his fantasy which supercharges our own marriage and builds Intimacy, and open and honest Communication, by telling my husband all of the details of my dates after the fact and letting him ask me questions about it.
I have complete autonomy over my dating process. We only have one rule which is that I don?t date the same man more than a few times which is not a problem for me because I have cougar tendencies and I like variety in my personal sex life. I am particularly turned on by young hard bodied Alpha male gym rats who are attracted to me.
I have some empirical data to share with you as follows:
I have been a Hotwife Lifestyle Coach for over two and a half years and I have received over a thousand emails from men all over the world that have read my Tumblr blog Posts or found my website AlexisMcCall.com, who have thanked me for bringing this subject out into the open and admitted that they also have the fantasy of sharing their wife with other men and want my help in turning their wife into a Hotwife.
So what does that mean to an empirical data collector and Lifestyle Coach like me? It tells me that men who have a fantasy of sharing their wife with other men are probably the norm rather than the exception.
I think about this the same way I think about masturbation. It?s something that almost all people do throughout their life, but don?t talk about.
So let?s talk about it. First of all here is some non-empirical data for you to consider. These are easy statistics to find on line if you look for them. The three biggest reasons why couple?s divorce, are Infidelity, Jealousy, and Finances.
So if you are a Hotwife fulfilling your husband?s fantasy of sharing you with other men, you have already taken two of the top three reasons for divorce off the table. I?m not here to help you manage your Finances. I?m a blonde. I bank online because I couldn?t balance a checkbook on my own.
But it seems to me if you take two of the top three reasons for divorce off the table, you are miles ahead of the rest.
What woman would not kill to be able to have an incredibly Intimate relationship with her husband, have a supercharged marital sex life, and have a personal sex life of her own to be able to fulfill her own non-marital sexual fantasies at the same time? Nobody, that?s who!
So if that is the case why aren?t there more Hotwives out there? My response, admittedly also based on my empirical data collection as a Lifestyle Coach, is there are more than you think. I know that answer is not going to suit you as a reader who doesn?t understand how this type of marriage could possibly work.
So why aren?t there more Hotwife Marriages than you think? There is a very simple answer for that. It is because the guy who wants to turn his traditional wife into a Hotwife, has no Intimacy in their relationship and he is afraid to ask.
Is that a deal killer? Not necessarily. My husband Michael and I had zero intimacy in our 20 year marriage. He had been ignoring my existence for much of that time as he focused on building his successful business career.
We did it backwards to the way I recommend it to be done which is to build intimacy first as the foundation block. Michael and I did it using the skyhook approach. We were at a beach party one night on a small island with several of our boating friend couples. We were beach camping and we were not completely sober, myself included.
I was being teased by our group about one of the other members of our group who had made it quite clear that he was having thoughts about doing things to me that were not pure of mind.
Out of the blue my husband made his proclamation that the thought of sharing me with other men turned him on. I was dumbstruck in addition to not being sober. I don?t recall what my exact words were but I implied I wanted to talk to him about that subject privately.
I could have thought all kinds of negative things. The only time he ever touched me during that timeframe was out on the boat or when we spent the night at the marina. Of all the negative things I could have thought, I didn?t think any of them. I was curious.
I wanted to know where that thought in his brain came from, so when I got him alone later I asked. It was like a dam burst in his brain and he told me that he had always had a fantasy of me having sex with other men going all the way back to college.
Now before I get too far into this Lifestyle changing incident, in fairness I need to tell you was I was probably within just a few days of having an affair with a man I had been playing with on line. We were doing all of it. Cybersex, mutual masturbation, the whole nine yards. He was planning to fly in and claim his cyber girl in person.
Michael had no clue because we had not been communicating. So back to my story. I could have thought Michael was having an affair, or planning to. I could have thought he was trying to get rid of me, or trap me, or hated me.
I didn?t think any of those things. I wanted him to talk to me about this and he opened up like a fountain. He didn?t have answers to many of my hundred questions, but he told me what he knew and what he thought.
He told me that a few of his fraternity brothers would meet their girlfriends at a bar and watch men pick them up for sex, for real. In other words it was a planned thing. I had no idea. He kept telling me stuff and I kept asking more questions.
We talked almost all night long. We slept awhile and then talked for another hour. Over the following week we talked, and talked, and talked. He had sex with me every night! Our talking was not pillow talk in bed with the lights out. It was in the evening when he got home from work typically in his home office.
When that dam burst and the communication began flowing it was not just limited to sex and his particular fantasy. We talked about everything like we did when we were first married. Within just about two weeks I suddenly realized that Michael and I had an Intimate relationship once again.
Neither of us knew what a Hotwife was. He just knew what he wanted me to do but we had not talked about me actually doing it at that point. Michael began researching alternative marriage lifestyles, when he suddenly struck the mother lode.
At least that is what he thought at the time when he found the Hotwife section of the Tumblr blog for the first time while he was at work. He called me at home. He was excited.
?You?re a Hotwife!? He said.
?I?m a what?? I didn?t know what he was talking about. He told me to research the word ?Hotwife? and the world would open up to me. Wow! Did it ever!
So the question is . . . . Can you have a successful Hotwife marriage that is missing one or more of the elements I mentioned in my definition? I will get into that subject next time.