19 Odd Predictions for 2019

19 Odd Predictions for 2019

2018?s predictions were good. Too good. Let?s get? weirder.

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I recently published the conclusion to my 2018 predictions. Results were good : 7.9/10.

So now I?m sitting here thinking that I may as well go big or go home, and avoid the easy stuff. Speaking of easy stuff, let?s get those out of the way.

2019 will begin in early January. Natural disasters will occur: forest fires, global warming, coral reefs dying, hurricanes, flooding, and garbage islands will continue to make headlines. We will all say ?yeah we should get on that?. Then keep doing nothing. At least one cancerous trend will take the world by storm. There will be some kind of ridiculous political shenanigans which makes the world collectively even more frustrated, and it will be forgotten in six months. Few school shootings. Handful of dead celebrities, some unexpectedly. People will hope 2020 will be better. Apple will release a new iPhone, because money. Samsung will release a new Galaxy, because money. Some new kid will become the hot new thing. A movie will come out: some will call it the best in the series, others will call it the beginning of the end for a fledgling film series. A musician will start a clothing line. A celebrity out of the spotlight will be featured for saying something funny on social media. Rival nations will trade threatening quips in the news. Stock markets will go up and down. Celestial events will occur and be recorded.

And during all this you can be sure that somewhere, somehow, a duck WILL be watching you.

Good enough? Let?s get predicting for real, now.

1) Facebook

Facebook creates Facebook Bank, because the Zuck needs more sweet, sweet data from you. Alternatively, Facebook launches a cryptocurrency.

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2) Airbnb

By the end of 2019, Airbnb is worth more than Uber. Why? Uber just isn?t as well protected from competitors as Airbnb is. Moats matter.

3) Elon Musk

Elon Musk starts a marijuana company. HighX, Space-D Out? This wouldn?t nearly be as stupid as it sounds given the industry?s growth.

4) Donald Trump

Donald Trump is not removed from office and probably isn?t even be impeached. Firstly, it?s pretty much mathematically impossible (sorry). Secondly, an impeached Trump means a Pence president. And a Pence president gets elected in 2020. That?s in no one?s interest.

5) Game Of Thrones

Game of Thrones returns in 2019 after 2 long years, with all its twists and turns. Here?s what will happen : a) Ned Stark returns b) Tyrion turns out to be a Targaryen, c) Arya becomes Little Finger, d) Bran turns out to be the Night King, e) Jaimie kills Cersei.

6) Market crash

One of the following finally blows up in our faces: student debt, Chinese debt, corporate debt, or high interest rates. Alternatively, and all-out revolution against the rich.

7) North Korea

Tensions continue to thaw between the Koreas, with talks of reunification emerging and vanishing throughout the year.

8) 2020

Kanye West and/or the Rock announce they?ll run for president. We?ll laugh. We?ll laugh because we?ve learnt NOTHING. The other candidates that emerge are as follows:

  • Republicans : A bag of cash with a dollar sign on it.
  • Democrats : The same bag of cash, but with a Coexist sticker instead of a dollar sign.

9) Brexit

A no-deal Brexit happens, and while it?s not smooth, it doesn?t turn Britain into the dystopian hellscape currently predicted.

10) Russia

Russia foments armed conflict in Eastern Europe as its economy takes a hit. Social media meddling doesn?t stop.

11) Marvel

Infinity War 2 claims the #2 all-time box office slot. It also completely reverses what happened in the previous movie.

12) IPOs

Pinterest, Lyft and Uber go public as IPOs become sexy again.

13) Healthcare

Walmart or Amazon launch their brand of budget health insurance.

14) Amazon

500 Amazon Go stores open in 2019, and no one is ready for the fallout.

15) Oscars

Roma wins Best Foreign Language Film. A Star Is Born wins Best Picture. Bohemian Rhapsody gets a nondescript Oscar because the Academy doesn?t want to seem insensitive, even though the movie is pretty terrible.

16) South America

Deepening economic crisis and political instability in Venezuela lead to violent civil unrest and increased refugee outflows. This has a regional spill-over effect, as unrest in Brazil is also to be expected.

17) A.I

A.I ethics becomes an actual big deal, and a handful of laws regarding facial recognition are written and enacted, following a handful of lawsuits.

18) Rugby

South Africa wins the Rugby World Cup 2019. I mean, we all know New Zealand will win it, but god damn it, I wanna dream!

19) Hope

Infant mortality, deaths from infectious disease, and wealth inequality between the poorest and wealthiest nations continue to decline. The number of girls attending school and global income continues to increase. People continue loving each other, and keep making great TV shows. The world keeps turning.

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